I should be working on the edits. I should be working on the chapters that need to be finished. I should be doing more than what I am but my head is in such a space I can only think of one thing.
No it's not sex. It's got nothing to do with the act of sex. I guess what I'm feeling could be considered foreplay; were it a trigger for me. It's not. What I want right now; what I desperately need; is to serve.
....service
I need to feel useful. I need to feel his approval. I need to feel the safety that comes with being in the shadow of the man I submit to.
I ... NEED ... to surrender.
My former owner told me to never use the word need unless I would be hurt without the thing I felt I needed.
"girl, you NEED air, food, shelter. Everything else is a want and will be given at my discretion"
I disagree to a point. No, I won't be harmed if I'm not allowed to serve. I'm not going to need medical attention if I'm not kept at his feet or at his side. It ... WILL ... physically hurt though. To those who have never lived their lives as I have, this may sound silly. I respect that point of view.
The longer I live as a free girl, the more wild I become. Wild in the sense that I forget what it felt like to go to my knees unless I specifically recall events from my past.
Remembering how it felt to lay my cheek to the floor between his feet. Thinking back and
actually FEELING the emotions that came with his hands twisting in my hair. FEELING the
excitement when given a new weekly task list and the elation of receiving praise when I'd
gone above and beyond what was expected of me.
It hurts because I won't feel whole until I have it again.
I am Daddy's little girl. I am submissive. I am a toy and a pet. But at my core, I am a slave. There are those that believe a Master is not a Master without a slave in his ownership. That believe a slave is no slave without a man to own her. I call bullshit. A slave is just who I am. It's not a role I slip into. The degrees of surrender depend upon the man holding the reigns, but whether I am his feisty plaything, his precocious little girl, or his silent obedient pet ....
....I am a slave and I need to serve
No it's not sex. It's got nothing to do with the act of sex. I guess what I'm feeling could be considered foreplay; were it a trigger for me. It's not. What I want right now; what I desperately need; is to serve.
....service
I need to feel useful. I need to feel his approval. I need to feel the safety that comes with being in the shadow of the man I submit to.
I ... NEED ... to surrender.
My former owner told me to never use the word need unless I would be hurt without the thing I felt I needed.
"girl, you NEED air, food, shelter. Everything else is a want and will be given at my discretion"
I disagree to a point. No, I won't be harmed if I'm not allowed to serve. I'm not going to need medical attention if I'm not kept at his feet or at his side. It ... WILL ... physically hurt though. To those who have never lived their lives as I have, this may sound silly. I respect that point of view.
The longer I live as a free girl, the more wild I become. Wild in the sense that I forget what it felt like to go to my knees unless I specifically recall events from my past.
Remembering how it felt to lay my cheek to the floor between his feet. Thinking back and
actually FEELING the emotions that came with his hands twisting in my hair. FEELING the
excitement when given a new weekly task list and the elation of receiving praise when I'd
gone above and beyond what was expected of me.
It hurts because I won't feel whole until I have it again.
I am Daddy's little girl. I am submissive. I am a toy and a pet. But at my core, I am a slave. There are those that believe a Master is not a Master without a slave in his ownership. That believe a slave is no slave without a man to own her. I call bullshit. A slave is just who I am. It's not a role I slip into. The degrees of surrender depend upon the man holding the reigns, but whether I am his feisty plaything, his precocious little girl, or his silent obedient pet ....
....I am a slave and I need to serve